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hotwife beginner help

April 21 2025

so i am new to the game and have done it about twice… I need some help clearly my mind :) The story is, after hotwifing each time i felt so gross after, like i was doing something wrong and i cant seem to get that feeling out of my head, I get anxious before i meet with someone, and it kinda ruins it for me. My partner gets pretty annoyed when he sees im anxious and thinks im going to back out again.
A few weeks ago he ‘cheated’ on me and picked up another girl( they didn’t do anything) bc he couldn’t control his horniness as i wasnt hotwifing, now i feel like i have to hotwife otherwise that will happen again, im just more scared now and feel that it isn’t my choice anymore.
Any Advice ??

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Marquess
a year ago
Hi there, your story concerns me greatly.
This lifestyle should be mutually satisfying and beneficial for all playing.
Nobody should take one for the team.
Forgive me in saying but your partner is gaslighting you into being a hotwife by “cheating “ with others.
You clearly don’t enjoy the lifestyle and are not keen to see him play with others either.
My advice? Think hard if you are playing with others for yourself to enhance your love life ? Or purely to satisfy his desires
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MrandMrsEss
a year ago
If he’s forcing you to do things you don’t like then show him the door. You are worth more that this!
Hotwifeinc works when both parties get off on it. This guy is manipulating you and it’ll only get worse!
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FeistyFatty
a year ago
OMG. Sorry but this sounds absolutely awful for you 😢
Why are you hotwifing if this is how it's making you feel?
What prompted you to want to "dip your toes" in the first place? Maybe going back to your initial motivations might help you diagnose your feelings 🩷
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FeistyFatty
a year ago
I'm sorry but your husband sounds like a total douche bag .... Maybe the problem lies there and not with yourself at all.
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Flirty2020
a year ago
Reading between the lines, of your post, it appears that you have been forced into this (by your husband) , don’t like what you are doing, and are only doing it for him.

This is a recipe for disaster. And you are only 20 !
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EarthQueen
a year ago
OK, listen to all the older and wiser women here that have dealt with dicks like this before. Facts. He can control his horniness and not cheat on you. He is gaslighting you into believing you are the problem but its him. He is using manipulation and controlling tactics to get what he wants and he is bad news. Your are young sweety. Get out of this relationship. If you have sex when you don't want it and you feel scared and he pressures you that is coercive control and its domestic violence. You can leave and have a better life. Big virtual hug.
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BarberBoss1981
a year ago
Reading this made me sad...everyone here should be here because it's something THEY want...it is clear that this is not the case for you.

Getting anxiety before a meet is absolutely normal and I think we all feel that, but feeling gross afterwards is where you're differing from most RHP members.

This sounds like coercion to me and you are so young...in my opinion show him the door!!! The lack of respect and understanding from him is unacceptable.

Best of luck x
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Ex007
a year ago
I see this as cohesive control which is actually domestic violence. From what you’ve written here it doesn’t sound like your values align either.
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XCuriousx
a year ago
You need to want this lifestyle for you and not his sexual gratification.
You're profile says your 20, how old is he ?
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Nightglider
a year ago
Agree with every other post here.
Easier said than done when feelings are in the mix. But, you would be on a better place by showing him the door, This is a space where he should be looking after your needs and not just his.

You are young, you’ve got so much more to experience in life outside this space. Work on your own boundaries and looking at what you want. Then make sure whoever you end up with understands and respects them,
You’re allowed to put your needs first.

I honestly just felt like giving you a hug when I read this post.

Look after yourself gorgeous girl
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selfless__lover
a year ago
That sounds like an abusive and controlling relationship to me. No one should be forcing you to do anything you don't want to, or which makes you feel uncomfortable about.
Look up coercive control, as that's what he's exhibiting here.
I'd ask yourself, is this man really a husband or a pimp? Pushing you to hotwife so he can be unfaithful and justify his own actions.
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seekandplay
a year ago
I wrote a long post yesterday and deleted it, but I’ve been sitting on it and your post has made me feel sad every time I see it in my feed. So, I’m going to write similar to what I deleted.

My advice to you, is to leave him. No one should ever make you feel like you have to do something you don’t want to do. No one should ever make you feel gross, and you should not be hotwifing in hopes to keep this so called man by your side. What he is doing is gross manipulation and is leaning on the lines of a form of violence. Please don’t keep giving your body to other people in order to keep someone else happy. Please read a post further down about consent. You are so, so young - you have so much ahead of you, and to get this all mixed up by doing something sexually that makes you feel gross, just to keep a man happy, will leave you with so much unwanted damage to work through.

If you need to talk to someone, if you feel it is leaning on abuse or not sure how to leave, or talk to him, please call 1800RESPECT x
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RHP User
a year ago
Aaawwww sweets it seems like this isn’t consensual. If this doesn’t feel right or isn’t what you’re wanting then it’s not for you.

Your Husband needs to understand this and take it on board. You both need to be on the same page, this lifestyle only works if you both want it.

My next thought would be… why did your husband feel he needed to cheat on you? And why are you ok with this? That’s more of a concern for me.
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Hotwivesclub
a year ago
Hotwifing play really should be about your enjoyment and liberation as much as it's about him loving seeing or hearing about you getting fucked.

If you're not enjoying it - something is not right and you need to stop and work out what you do enjoy.

Maybe it's just your societal programming making you feel shame but when you add him him being unable to control his actions and laying blame on you that's abuse.

In kink circles there's dynamics where the man picks the partners and the woman HAS to fuck whoever he says. That's a different thing altogether and would still include the consent of the woman to place that power in his hands.

In our circle almost all the women are driving the dynamic - armed and abieted by good men who love to see their wives in their element. If that's not you two - you need to work out what kind of sex dynamic works for you both and if there's no room in your relationship for your sexual desires or his than you're in the wrong place.
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RHP User
a year ago
Male perspective: what he is doing is NOT cool. The goal is for both partners to enjoy the experience and the fact he knows you're not, but keeps pushing you is very concerning. He seems more concernced with his sexual gratification alone, and not about your feelings at all. Major relationship red flags!!!
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SafeHands2024
a year ago
Hello kxtae, all the replies are essentially saying the same thing. I hope they give you the courage to remove yourself from this bad situation. Good luck.
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RHP User
a year ago
Very courageous of you to share this but I do feel very sorry for you as it sounds reslly one sided. Did you have a good long discussion with hubby before you embarked on this lifestyle? Boundaries should have been set and if you are ever feeling unsure about anything you should be able to back out and say "i am not feeling good about this" it is your body.
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Sawadee
a year ago
Hotwifing is about mutual enjoyment ? From what you have to say , you are not a hotwife.. You are a wife wanting to please her husband which is fine if you share that excitement , obviously you dont, Its not your fault if youre not feeling it . Like many have already said its time to look after number 1.. That might mean making some hard decisions but reclaiming your life is worth it..
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Raymonte1
a year ago
Never do anything unless both partners enjoy it together without forcing each other..little encourage is fine if one of you bit shy.
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CrafTeaWench
a year ago
I see a lot of comments telling you to show him the door. And I agree wholeheartedly.

But, I also know how hard that can be. I’m what’s known, psychologically, as a people pleaser. I spent most of my life believing that I had to keep the people around me happy or they’d leave me on my own. And no one wants to be alone.
It took me years to see what I was doing and why, still more to pluck up the courage to change things.
As someone else said. Take a step back and take a honest look at why you’re doing something that makes you feel so awful. If the reason isn’t something for yourself then ask for help. You don’t want to be my age and realise that you don’t know who you are because you’ve always been what/who others wanted you to be.
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