F54
Why the split personality? Respectful in public, transactional on RHP
April 30 2026
Women do notice this shift, by the way.
In public, many of you are polite, respectful, even protective of women. You hold doors, watch your language, and are very aware of boundaries.
Yet on RedHotPie, that same baseline respect sometimes disappears and women are spoken to or about as if they’re a commodity. It becomes very transactional, very detached.
I’m not naïve to the fact this is an adult platform and people are here for specific reasons. But there’s still a difference between mutually understood adult dynamics and outright dehumanising language or attitudes.
So I’m curious:
What changes for you between “real world” and here?
Are you aware of your own changes?
Is it anonymity?
Is it assumption about what women on this platform want or accept?
Is it just playing a role, or is this closer to how you actually think?
Not looking for a debate spiral just genuinely interested in hearing from men who recognise the split personalities like this.
Ms Foxy
Comments
OpalRose
a month ago
Most men likely don’t have a boner when offering to open a door for a woman? 🤷🏻♀️
But you’re right, and it’s certainly worse than how it used to be on RHP. The old days this was a ‘swingers site’. Now it seems to be more of a regular dating/hookup with an extra twist.
mysterious_soul
a month ago
I’m not sure why some men act like this online, but a few possibilities come to mind:
1) The anonymity of the internet makes people feel untouchable.
2)There’s little consequence, so disrespect often goes unpunished.
3) Some might genuinely think this behaviour is attractive or they’re just caught up in wishful thinking.
RHP User
a month ago
The result of online actions aren’t the same as in person. It’s 2 worlds apart in terms of freedom and consequence for the majority. Hence why many see social media as mainly a joke when it comes to keyboard warrior activity.
Look at the poor quality of conversations one encounters day in day out on here. That would rarely happen if 2 people stood for a chat in the street.
Sp_icemeup
a month ago
Ohhh I love this one @MsFoxy....
It’s interesting.... a person can show two completely different sides depending on the environment.
In public, there’s visibility and accountability. Online, that accountability drops. The space becomes more anonymous and transactional, and for some, that shifts behaviour into something detached and impersonal.....starts feeling like consumption.
That might explain the shift but it doesn’t excuse it.
Respect shouldn’t be situational. If someone can be decent in one setting but "chooses" (yes its a choice) not to be in another, that’s not a different version of them, I believe they are showing their real standards.
Plenty of people manage to stay consistent. They treat others with basic decency regardless of the context. That’s the baseline — and it shouldn’t be optional.
MrandMrsEss
a month ago
Nice topic. I see this going both ways too. A lot of people act better or worse in here than they do in real life. Now guys are pretty simplistic beings so it's easy to point the finger but women and couples display very similar qualities but often get forgiven as the presence of a warm, wet hole seems to have a lot forgiven.
Notice_Me
a month ago
Could be hormonal. Gained 10% testosterone just from looking at your pics :)
nutsundae
a month ago
My 2c is it's a convergence of two distinct phenomena that drives this.
1. The toxic disinhibition tendencies of rudeness and hostility present broadly in online behaviour, due to the anonymity and reduced sense of consequence inherent in online engagement. Trolling, flaming, bullying, cyber-hate etc. The fancy pants way of saying people can be total c***s online. Men and women are both guilty, but typically men are more aggressive.
The misguided perception that some people have that women who embrace the sexuality and choose to explore and enjoy it are nothing more than dirty, desperate sluts who will fuck anything. This debases those women in the minds of said individuals, which in turn manifests in varying degrees of shitty, disrespectful, entitled and self-centred behaviour.
Mash theses lovely little gems together, and the outcomes can get very unpleasant.
I appreciate @MsSuperFoxy this is observation and not a self-reflection response that you were hoping to hear. I suspect many who act out the behaviours you described have limited or no self-awareness of it. Interesting to see if someone who does is prepared to comment on it.
boobsandbusted
a month ago
We try to remain very much as we seem online and try to not be rude or mean ,and be interactive but when in the real world ,sometimes being in a awkward or intomafating situation and finding people in their own gangs,and not as freindly as they seemed online , can send us into quiet scoping mode or at least quiet mode until we feel more relaxed and settle in with a welcoming friendly bunch or couple of go gives us the time of day ,
TheFriendYouWant
a month ago
I believe much of this split personality maybe due to the lack of real world accountability and consequences. If the same behaviour was displayed during an actual physical meeting, then the consequence would be swift and definite. So under the guise of relative anonymity behind a keyboard, people get brave to degenerate their behaviour, I only have to ask my female friends on this platform and every one of them has a story. The lack of real accountability for their actions emboldens them to pursue this, whether they think it is what the recipient wants or it gives them a dominant position in the exchange, I don’t know. When the accountability changes, so will their behaviour.
selfless__lover
a month ago
The unfortunate truth is that those guys opening the doors and acting all polite and gentlemanly in public, are putting on a show and suppressing their misogynistic nature or trying to portray a version of themselves that they think will get them attention or praise.
Online the mask drops and they feel safe and protected, to be their true self and show how they really feel, as they believe they are anonymous or protected behind their screen.
You only have to look at the red pill movements gaining popularity around the world and the misogynistic attitudes they promote to realise that a lot of men these days hold really shitty attitudes in their entitlement to women and how they see them and their place in the world.
It's a scary time, especially as a full time single dad trying to raise teen boys not to be douchebags.
Fuckyousweetness
a month ago
Human nature all do it in some form.
MissyT
a month ago
I re-opened my profile a couple of days ago and promptly closed it after feeling like fresh meat in a pool of piranhas. It was awful. I know unicorns are a commodity but there’s no need to be rude, disrespectful or feel the need to flat-out breach another member’s clearly articulated boundaries. This was couples and men, dick pics, peer pressure, demands, you name it.
My very politely worded responses were insufficient as a reply. Have we gotten to the point where you need a brutal no to feel justified? WTAF!
TeaseMe
25 days ago
I’ll admit I’m a different person in here then I am in public. Why? Because in public I am polite and respectful and well mannered. In the bedroom? I’m a dirty little slut who loves being fucked and having a cock down my throat. But just because I talk about how filthy I am or can be, doesn’t change who I am as a person outside of the bedroom. I think maybe they speak here like they would want to in the bedroom because ultimately that’s where you want to match with them. I’m not after a nice, polite person in bed, I want a hard rough, dirty guy who’s going to do all sorts of things to me. Would I speak to people outside of RHP like that, hell NO. But I’m not trying to fuck everyone outside here
Pete10
14 days ago
Hahaha, not just the men here, women too have different sides... some you may like, some you may dislike.
Robaust
5 days ago
Treat people like you would like to be treated i say...
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