M37

Deeper question as to why ????

May 25 2026

So iVe been seeing this a lot lately the whole DISCREET AFFAIR ! I know most wouldnt be ok with it so this isnt directeed at everyone, but why do some women think its ok to activkey seek a discret affosr yet they’d be the same woman to cry if they got cheated on, or they would judge males who do it.

For instance i wil say 99.9% of women on here looking for a discreet affair would be the same women to abuse degrade their friends partner of they cheated and tell their best friends partner to leave and take everyting on the way out, but when they do it to their own partner they have every excuse under the sun to justify it. ??

Thi i only one issue of the whoke dubke standard topic but geez there is more and moreevry day.

report

Comments

AussieAndPom
9 days ago
That option shouldn’t even be on this site in our opinion. For anyone - male, female or couple.
reply
like
report
OpalRose
9 days ago
You know, they could also have an open relationship and they just like discretion.

But yes there will always be double standards when comparing one’s own desires, versus those that caused their best friends marriage to implode and you need to show support.
reply
like
report
boobsandbusted
9 days ago
I used to read it as code for ok the cheat ,but after a post long ago have learnt to read some couples or people just want discretion ,I do think rhp could change the wording or add discretion assured as another option
reply
like
report
PandaAndBri
9 days ago
Yes. I think it’s not just a code for “I’m playing up on my significant other” but also for those who have jobs that would be ostracised or worse if the lifestyle were to be found out. I am in Banking and shit would go down if that was made public at the water cooler… You need to check first, then crucify away if they are doing the dirty without permission. Bri
reply
like
report
nutsundae
9 days ago
Agree there's a double standard with the generally greater acceptance of women engaging outside their primary relationship, vs men. There was an excellent recent thread on the topic - When 'No Judgement' Has Conditions.

In my experience, the people who tend to have the strongest emotional response to the topic of infidelity are often those who have been impacted by deep victim hurt - either directly or indirectly - not those engaging or who have engaged.

I'm curious then as to why you believe that 99.9% of women who are seeking a discreet affair think it's personally ok for them, but men doing exactly the same should be drawn and quartered.

That's very specific, and feels to be coming from quite an emotional place. I'm wondering if you've had a recent painful personal experience, or been close to one involving family or a mate?
reply
like
report
Zpaset
9 days ago
I usually interpret it as discretion required. If you have job that may be impacted or many other reasons.
reply
like
report
Sawadee
9 days ago
To me Discreet means exactly that .. not wanting every Tom Dick and Harry to know your business what you prefer to keep to yourself.. l never look at discretion as cheating on someone.
reply
like
report
Screamqueen
9 days ago
Why is this post about women specifically?
reply
like
report
seekandplay
9 days ago
What an absurd assumption. Can confirm you are incorrect.
reply
like
report
Blueflamingo
9 days ago
I wouldn't spend a lot of energy on those looking for an 'affair'. Generally meaning they are cheating and a dishonest person... NEXT!
Good luck and hope you find some honest people.
🩵🦩x
reply
like
report
MsSuperFoxy
8 days ago
There are always two sides to a “discreet affair.”
People make choices, and choices carry consequences.

But the whole "double standard" debacle only appears appears when one person’s behaviour is condemned, while another’s is excused for the exact same thing.

We can disagree with people’s choices. We can do without shaming people, because they’re still human beings.

Ms Foxy
reply
like
report
mobydick4000
8 days ago
I typically consider the potential interaction with a woman who is in a married or similar relationship as coming with a level of risk. This comes from a past experience in my younger years with a woman who was separated and her ex came around one morning when I stayed the night.

I have only ever dated one woman in a married relationship, but they were up front they were, gave context of the situation and told me their partner was in complete support for her to seek other men. A condition and mark of respect was that I was to be discreet about our dating.

I think declaring they are in a relationship is a positive indicator. I would just follow up with further clarification on details for my own personal safety. Everyone has their own personal story.
reply
like
report
MsSuperFoxy
7 days ago
I just wanted to add this in too.
DISCREET and PRIVACY are two completely different things.

Privacy protects dignity.
"Discreet affair” often means protecting deception.

And when it’s openly stated on a profile, at least the reader is being given the choice to decide whether they want involvement in that situation or not.
If the reader doesn't want that choice, If that situation doesn’t align with their values, it’s easy enough to move on and find someone seeking the same things they are.

Ms Foxy
reply
like
report
SarcasticCopper
7 days ago
I do wonder if many people on here see “discreet affair” and assume it means private from the outside world, not hidden from a partner. The wording can be a bit confusing in the context of this site, as a lot of what we participate in requires discretion.

A lot of us on this site are ENM, and the “ethical” part is informed consent from everyone involved, including the spouse/partner. If someone’s partner doesn’t know, that’s not ethical non-monogamy. That’s cheating. So I find it hard to believe that many people are genuinely saying they would participate in an affair. Which leads me back to my point that I think a lot of people mean discreet from the outside world.

As a solo female on here, I am extremely careful when interacting with married men, as I would never want to knowingly participate in deceiving someone’s partner. I won't play unless I know it's 100% consentual for everyone. That’s a hard boundary for me.
reply
like
report
selfless__lover
7 days ago
Look for me I'm not interested in anyone who's in a relationship and playing without their partners permission but at the same time this is supposed to be a non judgmental environment without kink shaming etc.
What other people choose to do is really no one else's business unless you choose to be involved with them.
reply
like
report

Deeper question as to why ????

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help