F54
Appropriate question on first meet.
May 24 2026
Curious where people draw the line.
Ms Foxy.
Comments
Nightglider
10 days ago
I suppose it largely depends on whether the person asking is genuinely prepared for whatever the answer might be.
How the answer’s received will be heavily tied to context too. A higher number for a very young person may come across differently than the exact same number for someone older who has simply had more life experience and time to navigate relationships.
On a platform like RHP, the context is logically different, but it still begs the question, what is actually gained by asking that so early? Personally, it’s not a question I would likely ask, and I’m not sure the specific number matters all that much in this space.
In regular life outside of platforms like this, bringing up a body count on a first meeting is generally considered a social boundary cross, before you've even established basic rapport.
Personally, I’d be more interested in sti testing and safe sex practice if engaging with someone in the scene.
At the end of the day, is there really a right or wrong to this? Do what works for you.
TeaseMe
10 days ago
I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask at any stage. Who I’ve slept with in the past has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but myself. If I wanted to disclose this, I would when I was comfortable.
PandaAndBri
10 days ago
Actually, it’s not the body count we get asked about it’s more how much we have played as we are only a new couple to the lifestyle. I am glad if experienced potential play partners ask as it means they are thinking about my/our level of comfort. I guess as a singleton and not in this lifestyle I would definitely say that’s a no no until an established relationship has been formed. Bri
NewOldStock
10 days ago
Like just over dinner or something? Personally, I would consider it rude
PartnersnCrime
10 days ago
Not on the first, not in the future. I've been with my husband for 10+ years and I've never asked the question, and he respected my past in the same way. It was the same with my previous partners. I'm 42 and, believe it or not, I've never been asked (and never asked) this question. And to be honest, I don't keep a tally, whether that's how many men I've been with, how many countries I've visited, or any of the other things people collect, so I wouldn't even know what to reply.
Blueflamingo
10 days ago
I wouldn't be offended if I was asked, I wouldn't be able to answer anyway, as I've never kept count myself 😅😬🤭
selfless__lover
10 days ago
If it's a male asking a female it's rarely just out of interest and there is usually going to be judgement attached. Id say it's irrelevant and not something I discuss with anyone, let alone on a first date.
My number used to be very low as I was in 2 back to back relationships from 18-43. Someone who was single during that same period might have higher numbers but I can guarantee I had a hell of a lot more sex than them, so what does it matter?
Women never care what my number is and I don't feel it's my business to ask what theirs is. If they want to share with me then great, but all I care about is are they in touch with their body, do they know what they like, dislike etc and that only comes with experience. Whether that's through a long term partner or a casual fling is irrelevant really.
sublime
10 days ago
In this lifestyle? Totally unorthodox, does one actually recall every person they have been with? Unless they were earth shattering memorable, or you have played with them on more than one occasion
VibingBunny
10 days ago
Curious question to come up - I guess it depends on the context. My response would be does it matter? Or would you prefer we discuss sexual health first and what we don’t have?
Lostyanumber
10 days ago
It's totally inappropriate because I have no idea...
Jane195
10 days ago
Why does it matter?
I actually couldn't care less, and my past experiences in my sexual life are my business only.
I'm far more concerned with a person's sexual health, recent checks, safe play practices than asking how many people they've slept with.PandaAndBri
9 days ago
I gotta say I think it’s more a question from someone outside the lifestyle. Thinking back to before I was married, it was something I was asked during relationships as part of a Frank discussion but if it was asked not in that context it was a red flag for me. Whilst I wasn’t a virgin by any means there was still the shaming for a woman who enjoyed her body and others. Mind you this was 20 years ago. I would hope men have moved on from
That mind set but I guess there are pockets in the wild (non lifestyle world) that still have that mentality
austeuro
9 days ago
never ask such and similar personal questions. I think that is too personal a question. when someone feels the need to say it, I accept it, but it doesn't make a big difference. whether someone is a good or bad person does not depend on how many people we have had sex with. Does a woman who has slept with more than one person make her a good person or a bad person? what is the purpose of that question? what is achieved with that question? I think that there are much more necessary questions to discuss than the question of how many people you had sex with. that somehow shows a lack of intelligence for normal human conversation
mobydick4000
8 days ago
I would probably respond to the question with a question, such as "what makes you ask?" To better understand the purpose of the other person asking.
I remember in a monogamous relationship I was asked how many. I gave the number and the response was "is that all?!"
Once I joined the lifestyle, after dating several women, I stopped counting because the number seemed more to be tracking notches on the bed post and the purpose of my dating wasn't for that.
OnTheMarket
8 days ago
To me this is a huge red flag. Someone who cares about that has issues you probably don’t want to get involved with. Perhaps it’s rose tinted glasses but I view RHP as a more open minded site reflective of the more liberal attitude to sex of the swingers community. I’d stay away from anyone who doesn’t share that outlook.
Rogereleven
8 days ago
If you are inclined to ask that question then perhaps you might like to take up another hobby?
Does indulging in safe sex render that question irrelevant?
nightingale8
8 days ago
I’d be inclined to ask them how many hotels have they slept in. Those towels? Yes they’ve been rubbed on many a genitalia. What’s your count? lol
Boards
Hot Topics
Topics: 15095 Comments: 88134
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10240
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11701
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2503 Comments: 9784
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 993 Comments: 5012
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1301 Comments: 5776
Hot Travel
Topics: 779 Comments: 1981
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
Something related with that
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
report